We like to wrap ourselves in security blankets. We cling to things that make us feel ‘secure’; our jobs our homes our religions our identities, or should I say, our identifications? To identify with ‘something’ separates us from ‘something else’, and while some of these separations are more ‘real’ than others (our separate bodies compared to our separate possessions, or professions), all physical and energetic forms are inherently temporal, therefore unstable and hence any felt separation, or even any unity that is felt, is ever elusive, since both are concrete realities.

The experientialization of our reality, then, can be discerned by one or both of these realities, to ever-varying degrees. So the question then becomes; which discernment is better? A hollow question, I know, but I asked it that way on purpose, because I want you to think of what your gut reaction was. Betterment is subjective, and idealism can twist it to its own needs. I say all this merely to point to the importance of realizing the origins and bases of our own ideas of ‘better’.

I, for one, cannot imagine life without my separations. That is, of course, because ‘I’ am the one making that statement, and ‘I’ have to seperate ‘I’ from ‘you’ in order to make the statement.

I cannot imagine life without my security blankets. My anxieties and fears and percieved separation from society manifests itself as a protective barrier that protects me from much human interaction. ‘I’ seem to need them even though I don’t want them. ’I’ would feel exposed, rather than liberated.

All the while I yearn to throw the blankets off but they can be too heavy. I do lust after detachment… of pure, unadulterated freedom, of a life lived free from suffering, of living in the space of no attachments, no responsibility, no failures, no successes, no fear, no hate, no love, nothing. Everything.

to say this is a ‘response’ might be considered a stretch, mostly just praise and some of my inner dialog about an excellent thought. :)

also some tangential talk about spirituality.

to see more videos of me talking at the screen, subscribe to my new channel:

http://youtube.com/theinfinityes/

in response to this vid:

from youtube user strawprophet

But they are used to it. That doesn’t make it right, but it makes it easier, for me, mentally to accept. But today. On my walk home I walk past a church, and outside, I saw a kid, pegged him to be about my age, little younger maybe (late teens early twenty’s), clean clothes. I nodded to him and he started talking. As I took one headphone out of my ear I heard ‘…listen to me for a minute?’. I nodded.

He briefly told me that he was 15, that the day before his father had kicked him out of the house, the youth shelters were full so he spent last night outside (it’s already started snowing up here in semi-northern canada). By the time he was done talking I think he could see something in my face, because he immediately looked down and away. He didn’t even ask me for money, but I stammered an explanation ‘I have no money on me… I don’t really know what else I can do for you.’

This was a lie. I had $45 in my wallet. No. I have $45 in my wallet. It’s my last $45 until friday when I get paid again, unless I rack up some more on the credit card. But the look on his face when he knew I was rejecting him — before I even did… fucking tore my heart out. I literally got a little bit teary eyed walking home, because even if I need my money, I have a floor he could sleep on. I could’ve given him some food. Hell, I could’ve at least asked if he wanted to come in from the cold and smoke a joint or something.

These are all the things that were running through my head as I finished my walk home. I didn’t start the music again. I felt, and still feel guilty, with every moment that passes, because this happened less than half an hour ago. I know that if I went back there I could probably find him and do something.

But no, I’m trying to find comfort in an online post.

You know what it is? I think I’m scared. Of that kid. Or anyone, I guess.

I just don’t understand how someone as well meaning as me can lie to and ignore someone like that. If actions speak louder than words than my actions don’t speak well of me, in my eyes. I also don’t understand why I have to be scared of someone asking for help. My fears aren’t completely unfounded, but let’s be honest, I could see in this kids face that he really needed help. That he hated asking for it. He wasn’t used to it like all the other homeless people I meet. That familiar resigned look was not present in his eyes. I think he might have been lying, about his age, maybe the whole story, but it doesn’t matter. Nobody who isn’t desperate does what he did. Looked the way he did.

He didn’t really nod or say anything, just kept looking at the ground, frowning. I felt like I could watch his faith in humanity slipping from his grasp as I became the god knows how many-ith person to tell him ‘no’. I was simultaneously watching the system crush his spirit, and being the perpetuator of the system in this instance.

With everything I talk about egalitarian values and I make stupid videos about capitalism or whateverthefuck to ‘raise awareness’. And I’m not saying I don’t enjoy doing those things, and the fact that people enjoy them is just amazing to me, but when it comes down to it, when a real human being reached out to me for help today, I said no.

And I still feel a catch in the back of my throat, typing that out. Maybe the question I should be asking myself is not ‘who the fuck am I?’ but ‘who the fuck do I want to be?’

This is my new year. The middle of the summer is my birthday, and it used to be the divider between grades, so this time of year has always felt that way to me. This has always been my new year.

From tomorrow until next Monday I’ll have barely any cellphone service, definitely no internet access, and probably some chemicals flowing through my system, though I’ll admit, I’m not really the type of person who ‘parties’ very hard. This ‘retreat’ gives me the most of both socialization (there are people everywhere, friends, friends of friends, stranger friends) and contemplation, because inside the solitude of my tent, and even with the distant beat of four or five different stages at nearly 24 hours of the day, my mind is rarely so calm and clear.

Shambhala is a vibrant, and I’ll admit, sometimes overwhelming display of the human spirit. People there are rarely afraid to talk to strangers, they’ll make eye contact, we don’t know what it is, but when we’re there, we all understand it (anyone who’s ever done mushrooms or acid knows that feeling…), even if that understanding is sometimes fleeting, forever striving for it allows each new experience to teach me something. And shambhala is an experience I look forward to every year.

peace. be back on monday :)

and while I’m away don’t be scared to share any of these video’s and posts with your friends.

So I embraced my agnosticism, which by the time I graduated, had turned more into a quasi-spiritual pick and choose belief system when I got into mysticism and spirit guides and healing (note: not heavily into , I was just… browsing), and now my stance is basically… wait and see. But my intuition is that there is no afterlife.

The more ‘atheist’ I became, the more I began to feel free. There was no God watching and judging everything I do. I am the ultimate judge of myself. I am the only person with that power, truly. I once mentioned I was an atheist to a casual acquaintance and he said “…must be lonely sometimes.” I never looked at it that way. The only thing atheism has given me is less guilt, and a feeling of purpose.

I’ve been digging into Transhumanism for a while now, and I’ve become fairly persuaded by the evidence that we are developing technologies that will radically extend our lives (possibly until the end of the universe[or the beginning of the next one]). But lot’s of people like to say that this is nothing more than technologists wishful thinking, their own scientific version of religion, creating heaven on earth, rapture of the nerds some people have called it. And until I see the actual technologies working, on humans, I can’t have 100% confidence that they aren’t wrong. So what happens if I do die?

Well, I was an atheist (well, let’s say… 96% atheist. There’s always a chance the theists are right) before I stumbled upon transhumanism and my stance on death hasn’t changed much. If death is inevitable, then all that means is that this life is more precious. There is no garuntee, or even reason to think, that there is anything after this life. So make each moment count. And don’t worry about dying, because if you do die, you’ll either be starting on some great adventure, or you’ll be nothing, like before you were born.

Finding true meaning, for me, doesn’t come from made up stories, or from superstitious, mystical explanations of consciousness and the universe. It comes, simply, from the inherently staggering beauty of nature, and from the puzzles and contradictions that arise the deeper we examine it. It is the thrill of finding truth, an answer to a question.

When I attempt to comprehend the totality of our unusual, subtle, and elegant universe I feel ecstatic to be a part of it. I almost feel like walking around, proselytizing to anyone I meet of the great joy I feel to be on this earth, full of hundreds of beautiful species, each the current pinnacle of their own evolution.

Contemplating nature, I sometimes feel like I’ve tapped into a power greater than myself and I can feel it’s love flow through me, fill my soul and spill out into the world around me. I can glimpse the fullness of perfection and realize that wherever we find it’s absence in our world, we should strive to implement and exemplify it. I am utterly connected, and surrendered, to the absolute. The infinity of existence.

I could go on and on, but at the end there I kind of lost my steam. The words stopped naturally flowing from this caffeine buzz I’m riding and I started using random abstract concepts that sound nice, but don’t really mean much. But the language is powerful. Humans have this amazing ability to channel the essence of our emotions into words. The thing is, words can get confused.

So, basically, I am Jesus. Wait. Not literally. What I mean is, I could sit and make up a million different ways to say, basically, ‘I’m feeling good, I want to sustain that feeling and share it with others. And I want to encourage others and myself to do only good things.’ You know, the stuff Jesus talked about, spreading the love. Except for Scientology, which, of course, we all know started as a money making scheme by science fiction writer L Ron Hubbard in the 1950’s, most religions probably start with a normal person, an endorphin rush, and some unique circumstances. Anyone could be Jesus. We all experience this love and we all have the ability to share it.

One thing I really do wonder about, though, is why none of these religious founders ever taught that we humans ourselves are the source of this great, infinite love. Just us. Except for maybe Buddhism (I’m not too clear on how that whole thing works), typical religious training is that some being greater than ourselves must be responsible for our love.

I don’t believe in a ‘power’ greater than myself. I am the greatest thing this universe has ever created and so are you. I exalt in the realization that my consciousness is just a transcendent property of my neurons firing, unique to me and my physical brain. Giving credit to a non-physical soul would cheapen the stunningly complex, yet simplistic nature of what we are. Atoms dancing with each other.

Because we are just atoms, and through how they interact, we are able to know ourselves, and learn about our universe. Sadly, this amazing gift is rarely nurtured. People are kept ignorant. The joy of discovering the truths of our world is robbed from children, their education reduced to a mind-numbing game of question/answer regurgitation. Children should be led down a self-directed path of
discovery, allowing them to freely explore their curiosities with a wealth of information at their feet. Not graded and compared, or made to compete and experience humiliation for failing to learn fast enough.

The most successful tool we have for discovering what is true is the scientific method. And yeah, the scientific method is strict, very strict, because if we want the truth, it has to be. It demands proofs and repetitions, continued experiment and revision. Truth is beauty and truth is power and science works because it is self-aware, self-correcting, and utterly devoted to the truth.

But being strict does not mean that science has to be cold and uninspired. The spiritual and philosophical power of what has already been discovered should not be dismissed. Us, plants, animals, water, the air, all of nature, all of almost everything, is made up of atoms forged inside of stars. This is a fact. Also, every being on the planet gets it’s energy, in one way or another, from the sun. As Carl Sagan put it, “We are star stuff harvesting star light”.

It is humbling to realize that beings as complex and experiential as we, could, and did, evolve slowly over time through nothing more than subtle interactions between atoms, exchanges of force particles and photons, gluons, quarks, and neutrino’s. The universe dancing with itself. When we get down even smaller, many physicists think that all these particles are made up of strings. All the strings are the same ‘stuff’, they just vibrate, and resonate with each other in unique harmonious ways (through ten spacial dimensions no less!), and from those harmonies the natural world unfolds. The orchestra has been building for 15 billion years, and it looks to me like we might be at a crescendo.

We currently face a choice. Will we continue this battle we rage against our own species? Become extinct, a sour note, allowing the symphony to continue on without us? Because it will. The fall of
humanity would be but a minor stumble, a single trumpet player faltering for just a moment, when we consider the vastness of this universal production. Or do we learn to resonate with one another, as our atoms and our strings do, and create music so beautiful that some seem to think it impossible, or unimaginable?

I find that sad, because I don’t just imagine this beauty, I can see it, read about it. Science has shown that humanities long-felt, deep connection to nature is a real and tangible thing. We are all dependent on each other: plants turn sunlight into our food and we spread their seeds, they breathe in our CO2 and we breathe in their Oxygen. Bees that pollinate flowers, bacteria that help us to digest our food, animals that eat each other… everywhere we look we seem natural examples of living things being ‘plugged in’ to one another.

These realities raise our consciousness above vague, spiritual statements on connectedness. They empower us with the realization that we are physically, demonstrably, and irrevocably intertwined. We are extensions of one another, aspects of one planetary organism. We have come to see nature as neither a force to be reckoned with, nor an enemy to be vanquished. Nature is a set of highly interdependent variables that when broken down into smaller components can be known, recorded, understood, and ultimately influenced and maneuvered. This is what science shows us. This is the power we have been discovered to be holding.

Facing the future and all of it’s uncertainty, the search for truth through science, and it’s humanistic application to the way we live our lives, could be the key in the engine of the next revolution. A global, but personal and truthful revolution that implements institutions not of power, but of facts, and truth.

Is meditation spiritual? Is it more spiritual than giving a gift to someone you love? Or better yet, someone you don’t even know, or will never know you. Is a monk sitting around in a mosk somewhere helping anybody in any tangible way? They aren’t feeding anyone, they aren’t even exchanging ideas with anyone… they’re achieving inner peace, that’s great for them, but it has no function for society. It helps no one.

I believe true spirituality has a function. I believe true spirituality has a greater purpose in improving the spirits of others. And if our spirit is really nothing more than our psyche, our mental state at a time, then functional spirituality has to do with improving the mental conditions of others, which is directly related to their poverty levels (ie: let’s get our shit together and feed our starving brothers and sisters in Africa), among other things of course.

The notion that our ‘spirit’ somehow exists separately from our mind I’ve come to see as one of the greatest follies of our species evolution of thought. The greatest moments are always those of complete union between body and mind, working together. Your mind responding to all sensory (bodily) input, awareness, those almost transcendant times when I feel whole, complete, unseparated. The complete inegration of body and mind, as one whole being, as it was meant to be.

“Over thinking, over analyzing,
separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, leaving opportunities behind.”

Maybe this is why people have such a history of feeling dispotic and lonely. We’re yearning for this spirit, this nothingness that only leaves you continuing to search, when what we could be doing is forming connections with other people, exchanging ideas, one of the ultimate acts of functional spirituality. Perhaps once we stop searching for the spirit, we can embrace the physical, the reality, the present.

The only true physical reality is the present. The past and future only exist as thoughts in our minds. History and possibilities. The present is the only physical reality. When my mind becomes lost in the past or future, I ignore the present and end up DOING NOTHING… being invisible. Achieving nothing. Serving no spiritual purpose.

In my subjective experience, feeling more present in your body (not feeling like a separate entity that exists somewhere outside or inside of yourself) and more present in the physical world overall creates a more healthy perspective and a more healthy method of thought and of interaction with others.

Jobs, Schools, Media, National Borders, what other names can we think of for prisons?

Relevent links:

http://thezeitgeistmovement.com

http://thevenusproject.com

http://www.youtube.com/user/Tzmsocial… –great resource for Venus Project technical info!!
http://www.youtube.com/user/TheLeftLi… -Big inspiration for both this video and my last, maybe even to the point of a bit of word-borrowing. Hope you don’t mind, friend.
http://www.youtube.com/user/cveitch – Again, huge inspiration in my life over the last few months, and in both my videos. Thanks Charlie (and Danny!!! I miss you.).

Music:
1. Couer de Pirate – Comme Les Enfants
2. The Wire (Closing Credits)
3. eDit – Ashtray
4. Nine Inch Nails – A Warm Place

Video made with Adobe Premiere and After Effects (you can see me trying out some animation stuff of my own on here). Again, youtube and google image were my two major sources of video.

I’m talking to police officers, security enforcers, and anyone who feels entitled to hold authority over another person, because I know that you’re confused.

I’m talking to every working person who worries that without their submission to a corrupt government and labour system, their survival is at stake, because they aren’t wrong.

I’m talking to every person who feels restless, bored, or unhappy. People like to tell you that it’s your fault, that the problem lays with you. It doesn’t.

I’m talking to all who know something disgusting is going on, but don’t believe it will ever change. You’re wrong.

I’m talking to everyone who, very justifiably, fears for the future of our planet. Every day we are told how it, and we, might be destroyed, either through environmental disaster, or the dropping of nuclear weapons. They don’t talk about solutions, they don’t offer hope. I hope that I do.

Today I overheard a young woman telling a co-worker that she sometimes wakes up crying. She doesn’t know why, but she can’t help it. She recently emigrated here, she has a husband and two kids, and she didn’t understand how, with such a seemingly perfect life, she still spends mornings crying in the shower, before pulling herself together to send her kids off to school, and heading off to work.

It wasn’t my conversation to join, but I wanted to tell her that I understand. That her pain is justified, but that she has a choice, just as we all do, between fear and love.

And I refuse to be terrified.