Shambhala — music fest/spiritual retreat

Shambhala music festival has been my yearly escape for quite a few years now (I’m gonna say 6). It’s nearly a week long, camping in the forest next to some big ass stages and loud music. There are people high on everything you can think of, dressed up in costumes, naked, dancing, celebrating. It’s absolute chaos. But it’s well organized, safe, and I love it. I find peace within it. It seems like a lot of people do. It’s hard to explain, but the air there is electric. The mood is contagious. Even though we all spend our completely separate lives doing whatever completely different things we all do, when people come to Shambhala (for the most part), the environment changes them, even for a few days, into happy, peaceful hippies. It’s absolutely beautiful.

This is my new year. The middle of the summer is my birthday, and it used to be the divider between grades, so this time of year has always felt that way to me. This has always been my new year.

From tomorrow until next Monday I’ll have barely any cellphone service, definitely no internet access, and probably some chemicals flowing through my system, though I’ll admit, I’m not really the type of person who ‘parties’ very hard. This ‘retreat’ gives me the most of both socialization (there are people everywhere, friends, friends of friends, stranger friends) and contemplation, because inside the solitude of my tent, and even with the distant beat of four or five different stages at nearly 24 hours of the day, my mind is rarely so calm and clear.

Shambhala is a vibrant, and I’ll admit, sometimes overwhelming display of the human spirit. People there are rarely afraid to talk to strangers, they’ll make eye contact, we don’t know what it is, but when we’re there, we all understand it (anyone who’s ever done mushrooms or acid knows that feeling…), even if that understanding is sometimes fleeting, forever striving for it allows each new experience to teach me something. And shambhala is an experience I look forward to every year.

peace. be back on monday :)

and while I’m away don’t be scared to share any of these video’s and posts with your friends.

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so what happens if i don’t live forever? (also how i became an athiest [extremely abridged])

When I was in 7th grade my religion teacher told the class that it was ok to be gay, but that having gay sex was a sin. Tell any 12 year old kid he can’t have sex (well, the kind he wants to have) and you lose ‘em. And Catholicism lost me. But that didn’t mean there was no God, not for sure anyway. I was content, for many years, to think that the church just gets some things wrong, that of course, an ever loving God would never send me to hell for sucking a dick (especially when he’s the one who made me want to do it…)

So I embraced my agnosticism, which by the time I graduated, had turned more into a quasi-spiritual pick and choose belief system when I got into mysticism and spirit guides and healing (note: not heavily into , I was just… browsing), and now my stance is basically… wait and see. But my intuition is that there is no afterlife.

The more ‘atheist’ I became, the more I began to feel free. There was no God watching and judging everything I do. I am the ultimate judge of myself. I am the only person with that power, truly. I once mentioned I was an atheist to a casual acquaintance and he said “…must be lonely sometimes.” I never looked at it that way. The only thing atheism has given me is less guilt, and a feeling of purpose.

I’ve been digging into Transhumanism for a while now, and I’ve become fairly persuaded by the evidence that we are developing technologies that will radically extend our lives (possibly until the end of the universe[or the beginning of the next one]). But lot’s of people like to say that this is nothing more than technologists wishful thinking, their own scientific version of religion, creating heaven on earth, rapture of the nerds some people have called it. And until I see the actual technologies working, on humans, I can’t have 100% confidence that they aren’t wrong. So what happens if I do die?

Well, I was an atheist (well, let’s say… 96% atheist. There’s always a chance the theists are right) before I stumbled upon transhumanism and my stance on death hasn’t changed much. If death is inevitable, then all that means is that this life is more precious. There is no garuntee, or even reason to think, that there is anything after this life. So make each moment count. And don’t worry about dying, because if you do die, you’ll either be starting on some great adventure, or you’ll be nothing, like before you were born.

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I went for a walk.

Yesterday, after the third time I started the hour and a half uploading process for my latest video, which you can see here, I decided to go for a walk. I still didn’t get it to upload properly in HD, but I was so angry by the third time I had to do this (export the video with new settings, upload, etc) that I had to do something.

I walked about a block or two, in no particular direction trying to pick a song. I wanted to find something to tell me everything was going to be ok. And so I hit shuffle and Time To Pretend by MGMT came on and I had to laugh, though despitte the ironic title it was exactly the song I wanted to listen to.

I made my way around down some streets I’ve never walked on and I saw this in the pavement:

and I stopped, smiled, took a picture. My iPod was playing A Perfect Circle now. I took a few more steps and saw this:

and for a minute I wondered if I had come across them in the wrong order, but decided it worked either way. Then I thought about how I wished there was some way I could show these pictures, and this site, to whoever did this. Prove to them someone noticed. I’m sure they’d like that.

I turned a corner and immediately saw this:

and was really taken with the beauty created by the contrast between the clear glass and the trees green trees. This beautiful infusion of nature and human ingenuity. I swear to God half a block down I see this on someone’s lawn:

I don’t know why someone tied a bow around some little plant, but it was the icing on the cake. I was in a better mood now. I walked back around a little more and headed home. I snapped two more pictures:


The first one I just liked because I know whoever did it was just having some fun. And in my eyes, they made the sewer drain look better. More fun. I just liked the flag because it was torn, and all sad and shriveled looking. I’m not a big fan of what flags represent.

So I got back home and had forty minutes left on my youtube upload. After it was done, it still didn’t work properly, so I gave up, as we all should after trying three times. I can always do it later.

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sorry, not many posts….

been working on the new video, also just taking some time to pull back and decompress. love everyone.

complete site makeover (i know i said it before but it’s coming) and new videos all coming down the pipeline.

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I Refuse To Be Terrified

I’m talking now to the advertisers, the corporate CEO’s, and government officials… because I know how hard you guys are trying to make us scared.

I’m talking to police officers, security enforcers, and anyone who feels entitled to hold authority over another person, because I know that you’re confused.

I’m talking to every working person who worries that without their submission to a corrupt government and labour system, their survival is at stake, because they aren’t wrong.

I’m talking to every person who feels restless, bored, or unhappy. People like to tell you that it’s your fault, that the problem lays with you. It doesn’t.

I’m talking to all who know something disgusting is going on, but don’t believe it will ever change. You’re wrong.

I’m talking to everyone who, very justifiably, fears for the future of our planet. Every day we are told how it, and we, might be destroyed, either through environmental disaster, or the dropping of nuclear weapons. They don’t talk about solutions, they don’t offer hope. I hope that I do.

Today I overheard a young woman telling a co-worker that she sometimes wakes up crying. She doesn’t know why, but she can’t help it. She recently emigrated here, she has a husband and two kids, and she didn’t understand how, with such a seemingly perfect life, she still spends mornings crying in the shower, before pulling herself together to send her kids off to school, and heading off to work.

It wasn’t my conversation to join, but I wanted to tell her that I understand. That her pain is justified, but that she has a choice, just as we all do, between fear and love.

And I refuse to be terrified.

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…and sometimes when you’re on, you’re REALLY fucking ON.

Rilo Kiley – A Better Son/Daughter // lyrics

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can’t move.  Awake but cannot open my eyes.

And the weight is crushing down on my lungs, I know I can’t breathe
and hope someone will save me this time

and your mother’s still callin you insane and high, swearing it’s different this time.
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her.
That god never blessed her insides.

Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things,
crawl back into bed to dream of a time when your heart was open wide
and you love things just because… like the sick and the dying.

and sometimes when you’re on, You’re REALLY fuckin ON
and your friends they sing along and they love you.
But the lows are so extreme that the good seems FUCKING CHEAP
and it teases you for weeks in its absence

But you’ll fight and you’ll make it through
You’ll fake it if you have to
And you’ll show up for work with a smile!
You’ll be better
And You’ll be smarter
And More grown up

And a better daughter

Or son

And a real good friend

And you’ll be awake
You’ll be alert
You’ll be positive though it hurts
And you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends

And you’ll be a real good listener
You’ll be honest
You’ll be brave
You’ll be handsome and you’ll be beautiful

You’ll be HAPPY

Your ship may be coming in
You’re weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below

And your ship may be coming in
You’re weak but not giving in
And you’ll fight it

you’ll go out fighting all of em

Please listen to this song  and tell me you aren’t moved.

Maybe it’s just me.

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822

Information is constantly flying in at me and I can’t help but be constantly changed by it. But some people can, they manage to stay the same, or they do their best, anyway. It must take a lot of effort. Let go. See what happens.

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EVERYTHING IS OK

Why? Because when everything is ok, parents don’t send their children to die in Iraq and Afghanistan. When everything is ok, people aren’t scared of terrorists or swine flu. When everything is ok,  people don’t need to mindlessly consume and buy things because they feel inferior or because it’ll help the economy. When everything is ok, people can look upon each other without fearand suspicion, and instead with respect and dignity.

So I need to write something else about The Love Police.

I would almost say that they’ve inspired a change in the way I see the world, but I think this change has been building for a while and it’s almost synchronistic that I came across these video’s when I did. I’m not saying it’s anything more than a coincidence… I don’t really believe that things happen for a reason but I think that we create our own meaning for stuff that happens in our lives.

To sum up the headspace I’ve kinda been heading towards recently I’m gonna talk about the way these guys interact with the Police. I’ve been scared of police most of my life because since for most of junior high and high school I rarely left my house without breaking that possession of marijuana law. Either that or I was speeding. Or both. Or I was a kid in a hoody walking around which is apparently enough to get stopped and questioned all on it’s own. The way I always played it was to completely submit to anything the police said and hope for mercy. I would completely validate their bad, overly-authoritarian behaviour… basically bend over and take it. And not in a good way.

These guys treat Police like any other person. They know the laws, and they aren’t afraid to stand up for their rights. More than once in the videos, they’ll look a cop straight in the eye and ask them “Do you see us as equals?” But they are unwaveringly respectful and kind, especially when the police treat them as people, instead of naughty children. And then they try to hug them, and sometimes they succeed. Charlie puts it very nicely in one of the videos. If I wasn’t so lazy I’d go pull a direct quote, but the jist of it is that cops (and soldiers, for that matter) are people, worker bees, just like us. We are trained to fear them because they represent this tyrannical authority that’s crept up in our society. But that’s just it, they aren’t really any higher up than us. They’re like the jews in WWII who thought they could save themselves by throwing their friends into ovens. Charlie also points out that if we’re going to have a revolution, we’ll need the cops and the soldiers on our side, doing their job, which is to protect us, the people. Not corporate interests.

Police are just products of the system. They aren’t the problem, they are a symptom and they deserve our love and respect, and they deserve to be challenged. Because if nobody challenges them, they’ll only become what many of us already fear they are. A corporate gang sent out to collect money and give fines to people for going to fast, or saying the wrong thing. Remember, their job is to protect us. So I can’t hate police anymore. I can’t hate anyone. I can get angry, sure, or sad or exhausted or scared because I’m a human being with thoughts and emotions. But so are they. So are Police. So is everyone. I can’t hate anyone because when someone does something I don’t like I don’t see a bad person, I see a bad choice, or a bad upbringing, or bad information.

“It’s a choice, right now, between fear and love.” – Bill Hicks.

So if police and soldiers aren’t the bad guys, who is? I actually have a lot of trouble answering that. I think Charlie would say it’s the Illuminati and the NWO, but I’m skeptical that there is a massive planetary conspiracy to reduce the population and create a global police state. I think that if we aren’t careful that might be where we’re heading, but I don’t think it’s as planned out as some seem to. I don’t think politicians are the bad guys. They’ve sold their souls for sure (you can’t get elected unless you have the support of big money, that’s just a fact), but they are really just corporate puppets as well. So is it the CEO’s of these banks that are the problem? Well, yes, but not because they are evil or anything. They’re people, just like us, and they are worthy of our love and respect, for what they are, not for what they do.

In fact, like Peter Joseph (zeitgeist movement) always says, we could eliminate every elite group of money holders on this planet, hell, we could even eliminate every politician and every soldier if that’s what you thought it would take and it would make no difference. In a couple of weeks there’d be a brand new group of tyrants to take their place. It’s what the system produces. If we want to change how things work, we need to change the system, not the leaders. We can’t all be dropped into a giant game of monopoly (our monetary system) and expect people to care for each other. Everything we have is based on getting something for yourself by taking it away from someone else. We need a fundamental change. And there are many, many, groups of people who know this and are working towards accomplishing it.

So just take another breath. Don’t panic. Everything is ok. Really, we’re all on the same side (the side of the people) and we’re going to win.

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07.30.2009

I don’t think I’m a fuck up. But I feel like one… Because what have I really done with my life? I’ve done many things, actually, but it doesn’t seem like enough. Why do I have to do something to feel… right? What do I have to do? As far as I can see, there are no good options. There are no choices except for fucked up choices. I try doing what I think is right, and most of the time, that’s enough. It’s enough for my mind but it does not help that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Something is wrong. I see myself through the eyes of other people. No one in particular, but society in general, I guess. I don’t think I’m ‘well adjusted’ (obviously). I don’t want to be… I’m kind of all over the place here. I just don’t ever want to feel like I’ve wasted this time in my life.

And here’s the clincher, the thing that’s really bugging me. The thing I think will determine if I feel like I’ve wasted my time is whether, in one way or another, I end up financially secure. That really bothers me. Because I badly want to be above that. But I can’t be. I’m not allowed.

But, really, it’s all ok. All I have to do is take another breath, and I’m ok.

Sorry. I forgot to mention at the beginning of this entry that we were stepping into the realm of every fourteen year old girls blog. Hope you enjoyed it.

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06.30.2009

Just a quick ‘now that I’m sober’ clarification on this post; I use the term facts here very frivolously. No fact is forever or infallible. I’ve said before that a fact is just a almost universally held opinion, which may seem in contradiction with this post, but the explanation is that there are different contexts or meanings that exist for these words. Basically I’m saying that just because something is a fact doesn’t mean that it’s true, it just makes it much more likely to be true then an opinion.

I’m drunk, and it’s 3 am, so I hope this is readable, but I’ve written a lot on here about how much I hate religion, how it’s evil, how drugs should be legal, how I want people to join The Zeitgeist Movement, and all about whatever other opinions I have. I’m going to try not to do that anymore. Making a blanket statement that religion is evil just puts people off, the people that I’d like to actually talk to. Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, whatever the fuck else all have good ideas, but they aren’t put into practice, because people project their opinions onto these teachings, and they all follow their leaders… Basically, what I’m trying to say is that opinions are useless, and facts are useful. And from now on, when I talk about religion (or anything else), I’m going to try to state only facts. People don’t need to be free to have whatever aberrant opinions they want. We need people to have access to information, and if the information doesn’t exist yet, if the facts haven’t been arrived at, then people should say “I don’t know”… not create an opinion. People have such allegiances to their opinions that when those opinions are questioned, they feel like they are being attacked. If you have an idea, research it. I’m a big know-it-all and I know this, but I’m trying my best to say “I don’t know” as often as possible, because to be honest, I don’t know most things. And discussing opinions is useless. If you have a hypothesis, test it. Get a fact. Once you have that, you actually have something.

I was talking to Mr. Jack Fucking Nemo today, as I do everyday, because we work together, and we were talking about war. I agreed, against my gut feeling, that some wars are justified. I stand by that, because in a historical context, the revolutionary war, ww2, the civil war were all necessary. But all wars really stem from an abundance of opinions, and a lack of facts. If Hitler, as a boy, had been properly educated to think critically, then he could never have reached the ludicrous opinions that about jews that he did, because there are no facts to support them. There has never been any -facts- that supported the idea that black people should be owned by white people. Obviously. So while these wars, unfortunately, were necessary, they could have been avoided altogether had the world utilized a proper education system. To paraphrase Jacque Fresco, if the US took the pentagon and all it’s resources, and devoted it to employing psychologists and social scientists to study the world’s people and to bridge the gaps between them, to find common ground and to reason with them, imagine what we could accomplish. All our differences; religions, nations, classes, government systems, races… these are all useless divisions. Harmful even.

That was kind of a strange tangent, but I wanted to find an example for what I’m trying to say about opinions. Opinions were fine 50 years ago, even 20 years ago, but now information is widely available, like never before, and facts will always trump opinions, every time.

The last thing I wanted to say is that I try to be entertaining (sometimes) when I write these, and often that means I slip into insulting people and being sarcastic, which is (like being a know-it-all) is a big part of who I am. My whole family is like that. But sarcasm and insults are more useless then opinions. I can’t say I’m going to completely change who I am, but I’m gonna try. I guess knowing and recognizing that is a step in the right direction… And just to clarify, I’m not backing down on my opinions about religion. Religion has proven to be more harmful to society then almost every other divisionary tactic combined. I know most religious people aren’t doing evil things, and their beliefs aren’t harmful, but they support an infrastructure that gives credibility to the extremists, which have proven time and again to be harmful. If you want to believe in God, perfect, I hope it makes you happier, but please don’t go to church, and please don’t give them money, because no church follows the teachings of the (most likely) fictional character Jesus Christ. One more quote from Jacque Fresco to finish this off, so I can go pass out; “Christianity is a great idea… when are they going to put it into practice?”.

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